Something To Tide You Over

I knew I'd end up doing this sooner or later, and I'm rather proud of myself for getting to April before doing it, but here it is; the 'apologies-but-I've-not-been-able-to-think-of-anything-to-write-about-for-a-while-so-here's-one-where-I-write-about-not-being-able-to-think-of-anything-to-write-about-for-a-while' entry.

It seems a shame now to think of the fresh-faced young go-getter that was me five weeks ago, returning from Uni for the Easter holidays (I can hear you spluttering over this already. So hard I can feel little flecks of spit on my ear) flushed with the impetus of all the extra time I'd been landed with and dreams of returning to the good ole January days where I cranked out entries like a five year old shits worms.

As anyone who cares to check out the not-unlovely little directory in the top-right will tell you, this update history of this blog thus far is of an initial dirge and a slow, somehow flatulent petering out. There's ten entries for January. I managed three apiece for February and March. Clearly something's up.

The thing was, in January, I had a blank slate. I felt like a man walking into Disneyland with a gun. Anything could happen.

So I wrote about anything. Some of it worked. Some of it fell a little flat. But I had a ball writing it.

Probably the least read of the entries is an early January gem called 'Drop everything! It's time for an agenda!'. Most likely this is because it's the only vaguely serious one. In it, I outline a bit of back story and say what i want to achieve;

"I'm not going to limit my material by stating what the blog is be about, but suffice to say it's likely to have a few jokes and a lot more references to wanking. Of which I'm trying to cut down. Honestly. I'm jizz finding a little hard. On."

I like to think I delivered on this part. Not on the very last part, of course, but I've kept up with jokes and have more than gone to town with the wank-references. I think even my mind is getting a frayed banjo-string.

But the difference between then and now is that now I know what you like. You like me scathing and angry. You like me hissing and spitting at the bars of my cage. he further I fly off the handle the more hits I get, the more people pat me on the back and try and egg me on that extra distance. I can't really blame you. Everyone loves a bot of vitriol.

Here's the problem; I'm not really an angry person. I swear. It takes effort. So I've had to go out of my way to try and find things that get me riled up. I've been watching a lot of T4 for example. T4 pisses me off a great deal, but I've yet to find out why. That's the thing about anger; it's largely irrational. Being angry is only the beginning. Besides writing 'T4: Grrrrrrrrrr' I haven't got a lot else to fill an entry with. So I've amassed a lot of pointless hatred and have nothing to do with it.

On the other hand there's a lot of different things I'd like to write about. Nice things. Things to melt the icy fortress of the soul. But I know you probably wouldn't want that. If you want something nice off the internet you can watch Youtube videos of kids lip-syncing or cats with funny hairstyles, or cats lipsyncing, or kids with funny hairstyles. Plainly you come here for the hate.

My friend Dan also writes a blog, and if I'm honest I'm a little jealous of him sometimes. He writes about what he wants. He takes no shit from anybody. You should check him out;http://iamdanthomas.blogspot.com/

I myself am off to internet exile for a week. I promise to return with some proper ideas. Some of them might even be nice ones. In the mean time I'll try and figure out what it is about Alex Zane that makes me want to run through a crowd of school-children with an upturned lawnmower.

(The picture is artwork from the 'Something To Tide You Over' segment of the cult film 'Creepshow'. Starring Leslie Nielsen, written by Stephen King, directed by George A. Romero. Go figure.)