Drop everything! It's time for an agenda!

Welcome to a one-off feature in which I explain what I'm doing here and why I'm doing it. For your benefit, I assure you.

This isn't the first one of these I've done, and it probably won't be the last. Actually, it's my...fourth now. Wow. I know. Someone should really stop me.

The name, if you were wondering, has been the name of the last three, meaning I chose it when I was thirteen, so stop sniggering at the back. It was part of an attempt to come across as arty and interesting. I was meaning to change it until I realised that literally anything else I named it would look even more self-consciously affected, and at least this one had an excuse. So I'm stuck with it.

I can't predict how long I'll keep it going, but I can reveal my record number of posts is eight. So my main goal is to beat that. I'd also quite like to keep it chugging along for at least a year. Stranger things have happened. Hell, apparently someone found one of the jokes funny.

I'm writing this, if I'm honest, mainly for my own sake. Partly to motivate me to write at all, which I've been slacking off doing for the last couple of months. Partly so if I'm ever asked to write anything by a third party I can direct them here and convince them to leave me alone. And partly because it's always fun to look back years later in your life and have something to prove just how much of a tit you were back then. If I ever get depressed about work or ageing or broken, messy relationships I can look back and comfort myself with the thought that with every passing second I put more distance between myself and the throbbing buttock pain who wrote 'that'.

All of which is a clever way of saying that it doesn't matter if no one reads it. I won't mind at all. I'm bigger than that. I don't need other people to be happy. Everyone knows talking to yourself is more fun anyway. Yeah, you here that? I don't need you! I like being alone! Fuck, I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!

...I'm so happy...

Ahem.

I'm not going to limit my material by stating what the blog is be about, but suffice to say it's likely to have a few jokes and a lot more references to wanking. Of which I'm trying to cut down. Honestly. I'm jizz finding a little hard. On.

Oh, there's a lot more where that came from.