(Hello again. Apologies for the protracted absence since the last entry, but my own advice turned out to be so good that me and my right hand decided to take a spur-of-the-moment second honeymoon. I'm having to choose my words carefully too - anything east of 'H' on the keyboard increases the chance of further straining, so I'm trying to avoid straying there too much.
Yes, anyway, moving on, I should have two film-themed ones coming in fairly quick succession, so keep your eyes peeled, people.)
It's the Oscar's tonight. At the time of writing I genuinely have no clue who's won what, so there's a bit of excitement for you. In this spirit of this ignorance I've decided to stick my oar in early and award my own, very special prize - the award for the greatest quality/premise ratio.
Hollywood's got a bit of a reputation for favouring movies with big premises. Got an idea for a movie about a plane-crash? Sounds promising. Why not make it about a spaceship? And how about the crash could kill everyone, including people IN AMERICA? Even better. Except all the passengers should be sharks. Robot sharks. Played by Will Smith. Wearing sunglasses. In 3D. You've got yourselves a winner. If, on the other hand, you fancy making a film about two pensioners at a scone-tasting festival in Halifax you can piss right off to your garage with your tenner budget.
Except this year everyone's gone a bit mental, and most the films up for best picture sound a bit...naff. In a good way.
Compare it with last year. The two main contenders for best picture were a film about a man assimilating into an alien race then joining their resistance against human oppressors, and one about a crack bomb disposal unit in the heart of Afghanistan. Whereas this year, the nominees include films in which;
*A king has trouble making a speech
*A girl finds ballet a bit difficult
*Two college students build a website
*A girl goes looking for her father in various houses
*A man gets stuck in a canyon for a while
I'm being facetious here o' course (and totally ignoring Inception and Toy Story 3, who's premises are so out there they show up on the DVD itself, like idea tumours) , but there is a noticeable difference. None of these are subjects that immediately strike you as required viewing. And we at the BT wish to honour these humble little wonders. Sometimes, you can get diamonds out of coal-heaps. The award is thus rewarded to whichever film makes the most out of the least, that weaves a masterpiece from the narrative equivalent of two lumps of horse shit.
I was tempted therefore to give it straight to 127 Hours, because unlike the rest of them, the film about the man getting stuck and cutting his arm of is LITERALLY a film where a man gets stuck and cuts his arm off. The others amplify their credentials by adding character dynamics and snappy dialogue. This just sits there being stuck for 90 minutes. The fact anyone was even still in the theatre at the end of the movie merits the award outright.
Except then I came across two pieces of evidence in favour of the Social Network, namely this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVgXQiKLnqQ&feature=related) and this article (http://www.cnbc.com/id/39675388/)
The first is a nice visual example of how much more interesting, charming and likeable person Jesse Eisenberg's Mark Zuckerburg is than Mark Zuckerburg himself. When people prefer a fictional you to the real you you may as well get into your Fiat and take a hosepipe with you, because you've basically failed. That bit where he mentions poking and then grins at the camera. Ugh.
The second? Well, how many people watched that film, came out into the lobby and said "Very good. The true takeaway for me was that entrepreneurship and creativity, however complicated, difficult or tortured to execute, are perhaps the most important drivers of business today and the growth of our economy." Eduardo Saverin for one, and he had the massive distraction factor of actually being in the sodding thing. I bet Eduardo Saverin irons his socks. I bet he does sudoku and grouts tiles. I bet his favourite flavour of crisp is potato. I bet he makes jokes about how if you think watching Indiana Jones go up and down is exciting you should watch his cousin, Dow. I bet his favourite Beatles album really is best of the Beatles. I bet his children will be half-calculator.
Yet The Social Network manages to make a film about these two fundamentally sub-people. Largely by just ignoring them, it's true, but there's a lesson in there. If the real people are shit, don't try and make them interesting; make interesting people and give them the same names. For clearing this hurdle, the film deserves the prize. Round of applause, please. Oh and if Black Swan wins anything I'm nuking Arizona. Just saying.
1 comment:
Rory, Black Swan was fantastic! That bit where she's flicking her bean in the morning and then it's like DA!& her mum's there? Genius! You shit yourself and then laugh in about three seconds flat. Come to think of it I came as well. So I shit myself, laughed and came all in three seconds. Not done that since you did that cheeky striptease for me backstage of The History Boys.
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